baka_oxymoron

I'm broke again, but I'm pretty glad that saveau talked me into upgrading more than the RAM on my desktop. I haven't tried to play any games yet, but the new system's running great - and sleep mode finally works! It didn't on the old system, and I could never figure out why.

I'm using Unison to synchronize my media between my laptop and my desktop, but I can't figure out how to ssh from my Linux laptop to my Windows desktop (:/) so I'll only be able to run backups from my desktop. To compensate for this, I'm automating it so my commonly used folders will synchonize every ten minutes or whatever. I'm kind of proud of myself, actually. Unison doesn't have an automatic backup feature and I couldn't find any full tutorials for doing it on Windows, so I had to cobble together a solution like a MAN. Batch scripts ftw!

My new mouse is super cool, but it's much more sensitive than my old one. I think I'm gonna need a new mousepad to stop it from skipping around.

I've been reading those Game of Thrones books, and they're actually pretty good. The first one was kind of boring, but eventually I had to appreciate how skillfully the characterization and plot are developed. I like Daenerys the best, though I'm kind of shipping Jaime and Cersei (I've got a thing for twins, y'know.)

I received and installed my new motherboard and CPU today. I was so worried I was gonna screw it up again! The first time I tried to start it up nothing happened and I was sure I'd fucked it up somehow, but it turned out I hadn't plugged in the main power connector - derp! Having it start up and load the disk in the drive was such a relief. If any of those parts had been defective I dunno what I would have done, hah.

I've missed the hum of my case's several fans. It provides wonderful white noise while I sleep, though I make a point of turning it off at night sometimes so as not to waste energy. This morning, I was woken by the bark of dogs - but not tomorrow!

My room is such a mess now. :/

Recently I've taken to watching My Little Ponies. At first I just watched it because I wanted to understand the phenomenon of "bronies" - male My Little Pony fans, many of whom frequent 4chan and the like. So I watched like the whole first season, but it just ... wasn't that good. I mean, it's good for its genre, I would encourage my kids to watch it if I had any, but other than that? I didn't get it.

But then I tried watching it while high, and it was a little better. It's just so chill, you know? The ponies are all cute and they all just want to be friends and shit I dunno. Pinkie Pie's kind of a troll, and Fluttershy is all cute and quiet until someone hits her berserk button.

I'm still not sure I like it. It's not one of those cartoons that's intended for children but can also appeal to adults. It's totally just a kid's show. But, I think I'm starting to get the appeal. And yeah I'm watching.

The problem with "the ends justifies the means" is the law of unintended consequences. You might get what you wanted in the short term, but more likely than not your actions will have effects that you never intended. Of course, if you're lucky you might not be the person who ends up having to reap what you sewed. People can be selfish assholes, and terribly short sighted.

I saw a sign on a church that said something like "the road to heaven runs through Hell." Isn't that the same thing?

There will be an Elder Scrolls MMO. O_O I am excite. It doesn't sound quite like the one I want them to eventually make - a massive MMORPG spanning all of Tamriel and maybe some of the other continents in expansions - but this is pretty cool.

I got the new hardware yesterday! :D Buuut ... I fucked up while installing my CPU on the new motherboard and ended up frying both, best as I can tell. Derp. I was pretty irritated with myself, but I feel abnormally alive today. Well, I was thinking about getting a new CPU anyway, and I'm pretty sure I can get Newegg to replace the motherboard. I thank thee Newegg, gracious lord of cheap computer hardware and good customer service. Grant my prayer, and I will figuratively slaughter several livestock in thy name.

My mother wants to talk to my psychiatrist. >_< She wants to know what's wrong with me. I sympathize, but also can't help feeling that she thinks I'm defective. Head problems run in her family though, so at least she blames herself. I told her not to because I don't actually want her to be unhappy, but I suspect she does anyway.

It's an awkward request. The psychiatrist hasn't formally diagnosed me with anything yet, and even if it's voluntary it kind of feels like an invasion of privacy. She said only if I'm comfortable with it, but she was also very insistent and I had a hard time getting her to drop the subject. There is one thing that's making me consider it, however: the thing that makes my anxiety the worst has always been her, and I've never known how to tell her that. Maybe the psychiatrist guy could do it for me. Awkwaaaard

I'm glad I got my new laptop before I tried to upgrade my computer. The battery life leaves something to be desired, but it's fast and it's Minty and apparently the devs have perfected smooth video streaming, awesome. I'mma play some more Nethack and eat a hot dog.

Just watched the new episode of South Park and, oh lol. It is becoming increasingly difficult to deny that Kyle/Cartman is totally canon. I hope this bounty of fanservice will inspire new fanfiction.

I've been tweaking Minecraft a lot on my laptop, but it's still pretty laggy. The persistent lag pretty much sucks any fun out of it, alas. Imma keep trying though. In the meantime, I've started playing Nethack again. I had missed Nethack, though I'm not very good at it. It seems like the kind of game that becomes more fun the better you get at it.

I think I'm gonna start using IRC and Twitter more from now on. Somehow Linux inspires me to be slightly less lazy.

I had to switch to Mint 11 instead of Debian and install the experimental open source drivers instead of the proprietary ones, but it works. I AM PLAYING MINECRAFT ON LINUX and it seems to run pretty well so far. So happy. After trying for hours to get the drivers to work in Debian, I was almost ready to return the laptop. I just want to be able to have my Linux Mint and play Minecraft, too. Is that so much to ask?

No!

T_T Okay, I spoke too soon. Having frustrating problems trying to get the graphics drivers to work. Well, I never expected it to be easy.

I just woke up from another long, interesting dream. Man, if I don't have to work I sometimes just keep sleeping for like twelve hours. I don't like it (so much wasted time...) but these dreams kind of trap me. They are better than real life, and while I'm there reality is very difficult to remember.

I dream about all kinds of crazy things, but there's one element that reoccurs again and again: the ability to fly. By concentrating and vigorously flapping my arms, I can fly in my sleep. It's difficult, but totally worth it. I wish I could do that in real life.

It's weird. Since I met Ame, life has been exceeding my expectations. When I was a kid, life kind of sucked. I didn't have many friends, and I kind of got abandoned by the friends I did have a couple of times. Things got a little better when I got in with the kids who were basically the "stoner crowd" in grade 6, but they were kind of assholes sometimes and they didn't put that much effort into their relationships. No one seemed to think quite the same way I did, and although I didn't quite realize it (I suspected that I was a bit stupid, actually, and I still do), I was starved for intellectual conversation. I didn't feel a strong connection to anyone, even my family, because we never really understood each other. I was ultimately alone, and I was pretty sure that I always would be. I hated school more than anything else.

So, I figured life was probably always going to suck. Wouldn't it be too optimistic to think otherwise? Sure, I could finish school and move out of my mother's house, that was all that kept me going sometimes, but I was always going to have to do things I didn't want to do, and I would have to do it alone. A lot of bad shit was probably going to happen. I would probably be dead by the time I finished high school, or in prison. Or I would have a crappy apartment in a bad part of town and risk getting stabbed every day on my way to a dead end job I couldn't stand. That's just life for a lot of people. It would really be cruel to expect any different and be disappointed.

But, things started getting better after I met Ame. I'm pretty sure she's the only friend I ever deliberately made. I'm introverted; it's kind of against my nature to spontaneously introduce myself to someone. But, she interested me so I gave it a try. It was the best decision I ever made.

Life is actually pretty good right now. I live with friends; I have a beautiful computer next to my bed; a shelf full of books worth reading; an adorable cat; the freedom to go where I will so long as I get to work on time - which, I should add, is much preferable to going to school; I can eat what I want, do what I want, say what I want, live how I want. But, I'm still not very optimistic about the future. I don't really think that it'll ever be better than this. And, this is great, better than most people ever get, but it's still not really enough for me. I still feel like I'm starving for something, but I'm not really sure what that is.

On a more pleasant note, I got a new laptop! It's a cute little Samsung with an i3 processor and a decent video card. I brought it home last night and the first thing I did after taking it out of the box was install Linux Mint on it. <3 Man, I've missed Linux. Say what you will about it, but booting onto a Mint desktop was like coming home. The ultra-customizable UI, the convenient package manager filled with open source software, heck, I even missed using the terminal! Tonight, I will play Minecraft on my laptop and it will be glorious. I usually name my computers after mythological creatures, but I named this one kallisti. I will call it Eris for short.

As for my desktop, I was just going to get some new RAM but saveau's convinced me that it would be more worthwhile to get a new motherboard so I can get some DDR3 RAM up in that shit. Sadly, Newegg doesn't have a lot of good deals right now, but I think I'm still gonna do it. It's exciting because I'll have to install a new operating system, too - I'm running 32-bit Windows right now, which won't take advantage of the new RAM. Before I upload my media I think I'm gonna try to use Amanda to sync some folders on my desktop to the laptop, so they'll share files (and back each other up at the same time). That would be so pimp.

I was doing yard work yesterday, and I had a little "axe"-cident - yeah, I spend all day thinking that one up. XD I'm still learning my way around an axe, and I missed the wood and got my leg instead. It wasn't real serious though, so I just slapped a few bandaids on it and continued doing yard work for the rest of the afternoon. I actually managed to get quite a bit of the brambles cleared out. Go me!

After I brought my laptop home, I showed Ame my leg and she and Chibi seemed pretty disturbed. Well, mostly Chibi. She couldn't stop staring at it, it was kind of hilarious. XD I got Ame to clean it for me and put a bandage on it. Playing with a new laptop while a beautiful girl kneels at your feet and tends to your wounds ... life doesn't get much better than that. :D

New South Park tomorrow! Hopefully it will be less depressing than the last two.

When I first built my computer, there were a couple components I really wanted to buy but didn't due to budget restraints: a Razor DeathAdder mouse, a Saitek Eclipse II keyboard (the keyboard and mouse combo of my hopes and dreams) and an extra four GB of RAM. I think I made some good choices with my computer, because even though it's two (or three?) years later it's still satisfying all my needs. It plays Skyrim pretty much flawlessly save for the odd crash, and I'm not even overclocking. It doesn't play well with sleep mode for reasons unknown and it doesn't take DDR3 RAM, but those things are forgivable. And it looks super cool.

Lately I've been a little too spend-happy, but I've got a little extra money coming in and I'm sick of never getting to shop. Funnily enough, those things I didn't buy two-three years ago are still the things I want. Unfortunately, they haven't gotten much cheaper - the RAM is actually more expensive since I got the first set in a combo deal with a motherboard. But what can you do, hmm? I need a new mouse anyway; my old one broke and for the past couple weeks I've been using this tiny little laptop mouse I got on the cheap a while back.

I'm in the market for a new laptop too, but none of the ones on sale right now meet my desired specs. :/

In other news, South Park has started up again and the new episodes so far have been pretty good. Kyle and Cartman have been having a lot of weirdly amiable interactions, which makes my inner fangirl squee like mad. Kyle's been less quick to engage Cartman when he's up to his usual bullshit, and Cartman actually seems like he might be seeking Kyle's approval in his own way. Cat string theory and all that, maybe I'm reading too much into it but the show is always better with my slash goggles on. The most recent episode was especially odd, and I'm extremely curious about if it's going to permanently impact Cartman's character.

My cat continues to be incredibly cute. Every single day, my roommates and I find ourselves marveling over how cute this cat is. She is amazingly soft.